"I'm finna tell you why...." Volume 1.

Chances are that the music you really like really sucks. I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you. Welcome to the classroom...

You should be listening to: Danzig
Why: Danzig flat out kicks ass. Every song is about Satan and Hell and evil spirits and demonic possession. Danzig is totally evil, but Glenn sings like Elvis! Evil Elvis! Songs clock in at 6:66, include Satanic Latin recorded backwards, and liner notes fold out into upside-down crosses. Upside-down crosses! Holy shit! On top of it all you get a guitarist who goes by the name of “John Christ” ripping some of the gnarliest solos you’ll ever hear! Danzig fucking rules!

But instead you’re listening to: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Why: Because you’re gay.